poems

Here are a couple of poems I wrote a few years ago, tweaked it a little bit today, and thought I’d share....

The Sun

As I watch it fade away

leaving just a distant glow

on the horizon

and slowly

the light leaves all that I see

and things become dark

I think

about you

The brightest light

You

The Light of the world

when you came to illuminate

the hearts of the ones you love

Walking the road of humanity

with healing, hope, and humility

You came to live and die for those who

stand offended by all that you are

Like the night

when it falls

and spins it’s web of shadows

there is darkness

and nothing seems to be alive

Until the sunrise touches it

with color and warmth

in the brightness of daylight

Like you

after the darkness of Your death

came back

in a more glorious splendor

than before

Life resurrected

Life renewed

Life restored.

*******

Tucked away

In a tiny corner of my heart

A light begins to grow

Brighter and brighter

it outshines the darkness

that’s lived there for so long

A fire is starting

Sparks fly

and it

burns

rages

consumes all

leaving behind a trail of perfect newness

only possible through pain

and the ashes that remain

are all that’s left of my world

It all belongs to you

It always has

and always will

Chances

Joy, my roommate, and I recently went to see the new movie “You Again” staring Kristen Bell and Jamie Lee Curtis.  I absolutely loved it! (If you haven’t seen it already, go watch the trailer here.) I will probably buy it when it comes out on dvd.

I think it’s a movie anyone can relate to. 

If you’ve ever been bullied or been the bully, made a huge mistake that hurt someone you love, had a falling out with a friend and don’t even know exactly why--it’s all in there.

I think the movie also holds a special place in my heart because one girl, through grade school and briefly in Jr. High, bullied me.  She would tell me I was ugly and stupid, laugh and talk about me with her friends, and kick the back of my desk while I was trying to write.  She sat behind me in a class we had together later on in High School, and we got along fine. I think we both just kind of pretended it never happened.

There are lots of reasons psychologically why someone would use another person as the object of such...well...mean-ness.  They are insecure and they need to make others feel inferior to validate themselves, they feel powerless in their life circumstances so they exercise a “power” over others.

There are tons of books written over the subject of inter-personal communication and relationships.  How people treat each other is something we all deal with on a regular basis... unless, of course, you are the hermit who lives under the 12^th street Bridge.

Sometimes relationships make us want to be the hermit living under a bridge, never having to communicate or deal with other people and their issues, never having to say “I’m sorry”, let alone deal with our OWN issues. Sometimes, going it all alone sounds like a great idea.

But- it’s not how we were meant to live this life, or the next one in eternity.

We were made for community.

And community is all about taking risks... taking chances.

It’s about just jumping out there and letting others see you for who you really are. It’s about telling someone something they may not like to hear, but by telling them the truth, you may just save their life.  It’s about taking the chance and letting someone back in after they’ve hurt you. 

You will never know how beautiful life could be unless you take some chances.

So, let’s get out there and love people for who they are, right where they are...because we want them to do the same for us.

Choices...And Michael Bolton

So, I awoke this morning to a phone call. At 5:10am. My shift at work started at 5am.  Jumped out of bed...well, actually, I climbed down out of bed(I have a loft bed), threw on my clothes in the dark, and ran out the door. Thankfully I live only 2 minutes from where I work, so I wasn’t too late.

I love days like these!(sarcasm.)

It’s funny how just one thing going wrong so early in the morning can mess with your attitude the rest of the day. Granted, it’s only 10am right now.

But, I have a choice to make:

I can beat myself up for accidentally turning off my alarm this am, while in a crazy dream, and being late for work

OR...

I can remember that I am a human, who messes up sometimes, the world will keep spinning, that one bad morning doesn’t have to ruin my day, and be happy that I’m breathing, still have my job, and have a God who loves me in all my weakness.

Hmm..I think I’ll take door number 2.

On another note, (pun intended)- I just listened to the new Michael Bolton album “One World One Love”. Go ahead. I see you laughing.

I have to say, not too shabby, Mr. B.

The guy’s got such a great voice, and, apparently, a lasting presence.

And you can’t deny that, no matter how much guilt you feel over having any of his songs on your ipod.

Did you know he’s written songs for Kiss, Peabo Bryson, Barbara Streisand; and he’s co-written with BabyFace, Diane Warren and Bob Dylan!

“One World One Love” is definitely ALL pop, beginning to end. My brother told me it reminded him of Jordin Sparks’ “Battlefield” album.  Hehe...

But it’s the kind of music that just makes you feel good, gets stuck in your head, and drives you crazy(and, let’s admit it, in a mostly good way). Well, that’s what pop songs are supposed to do, right?

It also probably wasn’t a bad move to collab with Lady GaGa and Ne-Yo on this new album. Plus, he cut the mullet and is looking pretty good for his age.

Yep. I like Mike.

Mullet and all.

The End.

PS:  Now you are going to have "How Am I Supposed To Live Without You" stuck in your head for the rest of the day. You're welcome :)

comfy is as comfy does...?

9/14/10, 3:37pm

Have you ever seen the movie “Click”? The one were Adam Sandler’s character is given a remote control for his life that allows him to fast-forward, pause, mute, ect.

Now, I know the premise and object of the movie is to remind us that life is a gift, it’s precious, and that we should never take even the rough, or painful times for granted. And I completely agree with this.

However--yesterday, I wished, for one moment, that I had that remote.

I had my first Starbucks shift in a new store yesterday.

It’s not technically the store I’m going to call “home” here in Nashvegas, but it is one that I’m picking up several shifts at to get more hours(aka-$$$).  I had never been there before, or met any of the people working there. Well, except for a girl from Oklahoma City who I actually sang with once at the Oklahoma Opry. (Yeah. Is this a small world, or what?!)

But, that creepy coincidence aside, I felt like I was starting a totally new job for the first time, even though I’ve been with the company almost 4 years!

There, everything was different. The customers, the set-up of the store, the general overall feeling I got while working.  Everything felt backward and upside down.  Business was extremely slow, so I didn’t have much to do. I was insecure about every single move I made.  I didn’t know how to relate to the other people working. They already have relationships formed, inside jokes, silly quotes, of which I knew nothing. I had a headache. I felt lost. It was, for me, the definition of uncomfortable.

It didn’t help that all I had to eat that day was a bagel. Probably should think about eating more often.

Anyway, there are times in life that we all wish we could skip altogether, go back to, or just slow down so we can soak up every moment of it’s goodness.  I think it’s no surprise that a remote control for our lives doesn’t exist.  We can’t control time. We can only control what we do with the time we’re given. And...If we waste what little time we’ve got, how are we going to answer for it in the end?

“I was busy making a name for myself. See, there it is. Up there in lights!”

“I didn’t have time to invest in other people. I was busy climbing the corporate ladder.”

“Facebook needed me to make sure it was running smoothly. Status updates don’t write themselves, ya know!”

I am completely guilty of wasting time.  I am also guilty of not embracing the hard stuff as a gift. It is a gift to be cared for by my Creator so much that He allows pain and difficulty in my life because He wants me to

g r o w.

He wants me to be a better me. He wants me to be like HIM.

I forget sometimes that all the change and different, and the difficulty that comes with it, is just part of surrendering my will in exchange for His. And what better way to live, than to be bought out of slavery, and re-born into a new life, perfected to completion by the working of patience.

I will resolve to take the uncomfortable with the cozy, the bad with the good, remembering that this life is not about me being happy, but about God being glorious.

Beginnings...

9-12-10, 6:36pm

So here I am. Sitting in my bedroom in Nashville. My parents left today. It’s been quite a weekend, filled with lots of thing happening in a short amount of time.  Buying groceries to stock the fridge & cabinets, setting up the living, kitchen, bathroom and bedroom. Oh, and, not to mention moving away from home for the first time! (10 hours to be exact)

I have definitely cried some, and I’ve had this strange nervous feeling all day-but instead of butterfly’s in my stomach, they felt more like angry pterodactyls. I hope it goes away. I don’t like pterodactyls. (Side-note: I think more words should be spelled with a silent letter at the beginning of them.)

Today Joy (my roommate) and I were watching “The Wedding Planner” to take my mind off of reality for a bit, and as we are watching the scene where an “inebriated” J.Lo mention’s Jezebel being the only queen in the Bible to be eaten by dogs, I ask Joy if she had ever read that story. So I did a little search on my techno-savvy iphone Bible, and started reading 1 Kings Chapter 18. I read out loud through the story of Elijah and the prophets of Baal on Mount Caramel. The story is pretty intense, and interesting. Let me just jog your memory here:  Ahab is a king and he has decided that worshipping idols and false gods, instead of Israel’s God, is a good idea, so he has everyone in the kingdom do it. Elijah has instructions from The Lord, the REAL God, to go see Ahab about this idol worship he’s been promoting. He goes out and challenges all the prophets of Baal to a little contest- a “my God can beat up your god!” kind of thing. The God who answers by sending fire on the altar will be proved to be the real God.  The prophets of Baal (450 of them) all prepared a sacrifice to be made to their god, called to their god for close to about 5 hours, with no answer. Elijah starts making fun of them, saying “Oh, your god hasn’t answered you with fire from heaven or anything. Maybe he’s watching TV, or he’s in the bathroom....Or maybe he went on a trip. You know he could be sleeping-maybe you could wake him up!”  So they cried out loud and cut themselves to ribbons, getting  blood all over the place. This went on til about 2 or 3 in the afternoon with no response from their god.(duh.)

So Elijah gets his altar together, built with twelve stones to represent the twelve tribes of the sons of Jacob. He also built a trench around the altar, had the people dump several gallons of water on the wood, altar, and enough to fill up the trench.

Then Elijah prayed.

Then God showed ‘em who’s boss.

He sent fire and consumed the offering on the altar, the wood, the stones, the dust, AND even licked up all the water that was standing in the trench!

The people fell on their faces and said “The Lord, He is God! The Lord, He is God”.

After this they end up killing all the prophets of Baal.

The part that really gets me is right after this, though.  When Queen Jezebel finds out that Elijah killed all her precious little prophets, she swears to do to him what he did to them.

Elijah hears about her threat and runs away to the wilderness. He RAN AWAY! From a woman! (She must have been quite a powerful woman.) 

So, after all of that boldness and crazy prayer on Mt. Caramel, and God totally showing up to prove Himself powerful, Elijah runs away, afraid for his life. He actually came to the point of asking God to take his life from him, cause he felt he was “no better than his fathers”.

Reading this today made me feel better about myself. If Elijah was afraid, even after such an obvious display of God’s power, I guess I am okay feeling a little nervous about a new life here in Tennessee.

I am weak.  Sometimes I want to run away. Even though there’s no one physically threatening my life, there are still times when it seems life itself is chasing me down.

New, exciting adventures seem great, until you’re in the middle of them and you’re not sure how everything will turn out in the end.

I say, all the more reason to press on. Press forward to what lies ahead of us. It may be a mystery, but we have a God who is bigger than any other, who can prove Himself powerful in the scariest and darkest of circumstances, and in the boldness, honesty and fervent prayers of His little sheep.

I am in the middle of a new and exciting adventure called apartment living. Ten hours from my family, everything I’ve ever known, in a city full of people I don’t know. 

God has called me here for such a time as this. He has shown Himself powerful over the course of my entire life, and I know He will continue to do so as I follow Him on this journey to His Kingdom come.