Waiting...

Sigh.

Waiting requires patience.

I have very little of this.

I sometimes wish there were an “easy button” for life.

The other night Joy and I were hanging out at Starbucks, and ended up having our handwriting analyzed by a fellow customer hanging out there.

It was SO amazing!

He pegged us both for exactly who we are, just by looking at our handwriting!

It was kind of creepy, actually!

He told me I have slight control issues J

Which, to be honest, I kind of already knew.  Joy tells me all the time that I need to loosen up, not over-think everything and be more spontaneous....

Not sure why I have a hard time doing that.

Is it fear? If it is, then what am I afraid of?

Rejection?

Safety?

Failure?

I don’t like things to go wrong, so I rationalize that "if I don’t take the risk, nothing can go wrong.”

This is a very boxed-in way to live.

Maybe I need to just let go.

I long for freedom from myself.

Sometimes I keep people (okay, let’s be honest-mostly just boys) at arms length because I’m afraid of getting too close, being hurt, or hurting someone else.

But, in reality, isn’t pain a part of life?

There’s really no way to escape it. If you try, you just end up isolating yourself from others, and missing out on some truly great learning experiences.

I’m learning that there has to be pain, for joy to exist. There has to be bad, for good to be recognized. Sometimes we have to fail in order to learn & grow.

I don’t like this concept.

(and, also according to my handwriting analysis, I am a very “black&white” person-don’t like any gray areas)

I’m learning how impatient I am. 

Patience is a fruit that should be produced in a believer’s life by the Holy Spirit of God.

I’ve heard people say “if you ask God for patience, be prepared for Him to give you difficult opportunities to wait.”

This is so true.

We, as humans, have this desire to fix things our way. When we don’t see God’s immediate action, we decide, “Oh, maybe I should go ahead and do this- maybe I can help God carry out His plan this way!”

Example:   Abram and Sarai in the Old Testament.

The Lord told Abram that he would give him offspring as great as the number of the stars. Abram had no children at this point.

His wife Sarai had the brilliant idea to give Abram her servant girl, thinking that maybe The Lord would fulfill His promise of a child through her servant, Hagar.

So, Abram listened to his wife, and took Hagar as his wife also.

She got preggo. Sarai got mad.

What did Sarai expect to happen? Maybe she didn’t expect Hagar to ever actually get pregnant. Or maybe she didn’t expect Hagar to flaunt the pregnancy the way she did.

Sarai blames Abram for the way Hagar starts treating her, and Abram’s like “Leave me out of this, she’s your servant!”

I guess that brilliant little plan of Sarai’s backfired.

A little later, God changes Abram’s name to Abraham, meaning “father of a multitude”, and Sarai’s name to Sarah (meaning “princess”).

Then the couple is visited by some angels who tell Abram that Sarah will get pregnant even though she’s way past the child-bearing season.

Sarah actually laughed when she heard the news.  God responds to her laughter, doubt, and lack of faith by saying, “Is anything too hard for The Lord?”

God eventually fulfilled His promise and gave Sarah her own child, named Isaac.

“Is anything too hard for The Lord?”

I know that the answer to that question is “no”. There is nothing too hard for The Lord.  

He can do ANYTHING.

So why do I stay in my little box of fear and impatience?

(By the way—impatience is a form of fear—and fear is not trusting God.)

When we are impatient and try to do things our way, things just blow up in our face.

How do we balance taking risks, while staying in our place to let God do His thing?

The beauty of all of this is

GRACE.

When I fail, He picks up the pieces.

God makes beauty out of our messes.

How He does this, I have no idea. I just know I’ve seen it, and experienced it myself.

I have seen Him take my failing and falling down, and somehow bring glory to Himself.

I can’t mess up His plan.

I can bring more trouble on myself than necessary with my own sin, but His purpose will be accomplished whether I like it or not.

Let me not rush, Lord.

You are perfect.

Always right on time.

You have good purposes for me.

I will walk with You.

I will trust You.

I will not get ahead of You.

You are my only light.

I love this town.

I was working the closing shift at work last night, and as was sweeping the café floor, I started talking with the one of our regular’s hanging out in the store.  His name is Hayward.  He asked me about music and what I wanted to do here in Nashville.  I told him a little about how I moved here to write and just pursue music a little more intently.  I asked him what he did here, and he said he used to be a session drummer back in the day. He came to Nashville from Memphis with a bunch of other guys who worked at a studio in Memphis as a rhythm section.  Then, out of his bag on the table, he pulled out a book called “Memphis Boys”, which is about him and the other guys he came to Nashville with, showed me pictures in the book, some of him behind the console at a recording studio, and some of his recording buddies with Aretha Franklin.

It was so cool to hear him talk about his move to Nashville, and how he worked on some pretty big name albums.  I love that I can be hanging out at work and get to chat with someone who played music for a living back before itunes and youtube. Back when Elvis and Johnny were alive.  Classic. 

I live in such a cool town. No wonder they call it “Music City”!

Also, it’s so amazing how small the world really is.  

Last night as I was leaving work, I ended up chatting with some people outside. One of them is a regular customer who is also a friend of a friend of mine here in Nashville.  He asked me where I was from, and when I told him Oklahoma City, he freaked out a little and said “No way! I went to school there back in the day!” I asked where he went to school, he said Mid-America University. I asked him if he knew one of my friends who used to work there, named Marty. Then he freaked out a little more. Apparently Marty was one of his best friends and toured with him in with his band back in the day. 

We also figured out that he was also at the Write About Jesus Workshop in St. Louis I went to last year. I knew he looked familiar, and I had a feeling that was why.

Crazy. 

New friends are fun!

It’s things like these that make me giddy with the realization that I belong here. I am right where I am supposed to be.  In a city full of “small town connections” and people willing to write music with you left and right just because it’s fun!(and of course writing a million-dollar hit song wouldn’t be such a bad thing!)

Here’s to Nashville. <3

My home away from home.

Sovereign

I went to Walmart today, to buy a watch battery and a few other random things. 

As I was leaving, I saw a woman with a sort of blank stare on her face, walking in carrying her child, who looked around 3 or 4 years old. I immediately felt God prompting me to ask this woman if she was okay. But, I just kept walking to my car and watched her walk through the doors into the store.

At this point, as I'm getting into my car, I had a little discussion with myself.

I thought, “Well, I’m already at my car. Maybe I'll just pray for her as I'm on my way out of here....

or God, maybe you could send someone else to talk to her?”

I started my car.

I couldn't shake it. I couldn't drive away.

I turned the car off.

I knew I had to go back in.

So I got out of my car and right back into Walmart.  I looked for about 3 minutes, walked all around the entire store looking for her, and finally found her in the cold medicine aisle.

I walked over, said hello, and told her I saw her walk into the store, and had to come find her because I felt like God wanted me to ask her if she was okay.  She said she actually wasn’t feeling well, and that her daughter didn’t feel well either, and that it had been a stressful week. I asked her name (it’s Kimberly) and asked if I could pray for her, and she said she would love it if I would.

So I did.

I prayed for her right there.

In the medicine aisle.

In the middle of Walmart.

She cried a little.

I cried a little, too.

It was a sweet moment.

When I finished praying, she told me her husband’s grandfather had just passed away so he had to go out of town, and she was stressed about it. She was thankful for the prayer and needed it.

She asked me where I was from and I told her I just moved from Oklahoma City.
She said she used to go to school at Hillsdale Bible College in Moore. I told her I have actually played a show there!

Then she said she and her husband have some friends that still live in Okc, who own a coffee catering business...called Café Evoke!!!(shout-out to my Okc peeps!)

How crazy is that?!

I go to Walmart for a few things today, and end up meeting someone who has friends near my hometown, and they are friends with some of my friends!

God knew she needed prayer today. He knew she needed to be encouraged.

And He picked me for the job.

Who would have guessed that she used to live in Moore, Oklahoma?

I definitely didn’t know what to expect when I walked over to talk to her, but God knew.

That was more than obvious.

It’s amazing how BIG He is. How vast the expanse of His knowledge and wisdom.

And, at the same time, He is so intimately involved in every aspect of our lives.

He wants us to know that He sees us, knows us, and cares enough to interrupt our day to show us He is in control and He is good.

Oh, how He loves us!

God not only showed me today how much He loves Kimberly and her family, but He reminded me how much He loves me, how sovereign He is, and how much FUN it is to know Him and serve Him in obedience!

I am so amazed by Jesus and His heart for us.

We are messy, broken people, tangled up in ourselves.

He is so good to come and save us from us.

Over, and over, and over again.

His Love NEVER FAILS!

so..three guys walk into a bar...

Okay, so it's more like three guys fall into a fiery furnace.
But, this is no joke :)

I was reading about Daniel, Mishael, Hananiah, and Azariah today. These are the guys we heard stories about in Sunday school(remember the paper-cut-outs-on-felt-board at story-time!?) and watched the vegetable adaptation in the VeggieTales video.

Nothing against Sunday school or VeggieTales(which, I admit, I have watched as an adult with other adults when there were little or no kids around), but I think these stories are way more interesting and powerful than the first glance would lead to believe! 

What stood out to me most was the bold commitment and obedience of these four young guys in the midst of a foreign land and people.

And how their God came through for them.

What do we know about our Hebrew homies, Daniel, Mishael, Hananiah, and Azariah?

You may also know them as Belteshazzar, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. 

The king of Babylon came and took siege of Jerusalem, and brought back to his kingdom a few select Hebrews. These four guys were included, and the dude in charge gave them new names (probably to fit in better with the Babylonian culture).

When they got to Babylon, they were taken to the palace, and they were given allotted portions of the same food and wine as the king ate and drank. This is where the “no compromise” theme begins. It was something so small and seemingly insignificant, yet powerful.

When they were asked why they would not eat the king’s food like everyone else, Daniel responded, “Why don’t we do a little experiment.  You have these guys over here eat from the king’s menu for ten days, and we will eat veggies and water. Then you can decide which is better for everyone, based on our appearance and overall heath.”

The king’s servant agreed, and after ten days, the Hebrew kids were looking better and were healthier than the other guys, so he changed everyone’s menu to what Daniel and his friends were eating.

God had given these four guys a good deal of wisdom and understanding. They were singled out and eventually brought in to stand before the king (kind of a big deal). There were no others found compared to them in all of the king’s magicians and enchanters in his entire kingdom.

After that there were a couple of dreams Daniel interpreted for the king (In short, the king makes a ridiculous demand of his wise-guys, none of them can do it, so he decides to destroy them, but God gives Daniel supernatural insight into the situation and saves some lives. Go read it. Book of Daniel, Chapter 2. It’s a cool story.)

Now, I want to turn our attention to Chapter 3.  The story of our three homies, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. Let’s call them S, M, & A from now on.

The king sets up this 90ft tall statue of gold, and has a big celebration to dedicate it.  He makes a decree that whenever all the people in Babylon hear all kinds of music playing, they must stop whatever they are doing and bow down to the image and worship it. If they do not fall down and worship the image, they are to be immediately thrown into a burning furnace of fire.

Dude.

Little harsh, right?

There were lots of different nationalities represented in Babylon at the time, but no matter who you were, or where you came from, you were to obey this command of the king.

Our Hebrew friends no doubt knew about the proclamation and command.  They were leaders over certain affairs of Babylon. But they knew better than to worship anyone or anything besides their God, The God of Israel.  So they didn’t bow down.

Word got around that these guys weren’t following orders, and the king became furious. Actually, the Bible says “he called for them in furious rage.” Little intense.

He asked them if it was true that they didn’t obey the command and that they didn’t serve or worship his gods. He also gave them another chance and told them if they would bow down to the statue, then it’s all good. If not, they will immediately be thrown into the fiery furnace and burned alive. Then he says “who is the god that will deliver you out of my hands?”

Pretty sure of himself, eh?

S, M, & A answered the king, “We have no need to answer you in this matter. If you throw us into the furnace, our God, whom we serve, IS ABLE to deliver us out of the furnace, and deliver us out of your hand. But if not, know this: we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image you’ve set up.”

Wow.

Here they are, standing on the edge of death (by burning alive!) and still do not compromise their worship.  They believe their God will deliver them, and they even go as far as to say that if He doesn’t save them, they’re not going to give in and worship the king’s gods, or bow to his precious gold statue!

That, my friends, is loving your God with abandon.  These guys must have known their God well, and known that it was better to die and face whatever came next, than to give in to pressure from their peers, supervisors, and the king of Babylon himself! They were confident in The One they followed and worshipped.

Here’s where things start to really heat up (pun intended). J

The king gets even angrier than before, and he orders the furnace made seven times hotter than normal. He has some of his best warriors tie our Hebrew homies up in all their clothing, and then throw them into the fire. The king’s orders were so urgent and the fire was so hot, that the big strong guys throwing them in DIED!

So these three Hebrew dudes fell, all tied up, into the burning furnace of death.

Now, apparently, this fire-death-pit was situated so that the king could see into it, and he is watching all of this happen. After they get thrown in, he jumps out of his chair, and asks his counselors, “Hey! Didn’t we just throw three guys tied up into the furnace?”

They respond, “Yep.”

Then the king says, “I see four guys! Unbound--and walking around in the middle of the fire! They’re not hurt! And the fourth one looks like a son of the gods!”

The king goes over to the door of the furnace, calls to S, M, & A, and tells them to come out of the furnace.

Our three Hebrew homies come walking right out of the fire, and all the governors, king’s counselors and other peeps, come to see the commotion, and find that not one of them were touched by the fire, their hair wasn’t singed, clothes weren’t burned---

You know that smell that lingers on you after you hang out around a bon-fire?

I love that smell.

These guys were walking around IN THE MIDDLE OF A FURNACE and didn’t even smell like fire or smoke!!!

The king is so impressed with the God of the Hebrews, and their commitment to their God, that he makes a new decree- that if anyone speaks against the God of these Hebrews, they will be torn limb from limb, and their house left in ruins, because there is no god that can save like their God.  Then the king promoted them.

Man.

I don’t know about you, but when I read that story, it’s obvious to me that obedience to God is the best thing in any situation. No matter what, without reservation, complete abandon to my God...that’s worth more than comfort, or any amount of approval from man.

These Hebrew homies didn’t compromise or cave beneath the weight of human threat or pursuasion. God showed up, showed off, and then they were promoted! How crazy is that?! Even a foreign, idol-worshipping king gave sincere praise in amazement to their God.

It’s easy to forget sometimes, that I worship and serve the same God as these Hebrew guys. These stories are not just old reading material or a good little bedtime story.  They are accurate, historical accounts of what The God of Israel has done for His beloved.

They are stories of real people who, at times, made mistakes, yet still knew who they belonged to, knew who their God was, and followed Him, even if it meant going to their death.

I want to remember- that’s my God. My God is The God who is able- The God who saves. The God who has power over fire, laws and forces of nature, gravity, kings and nations, and who follows through on His word, all to show just how great He is. 

The God who didn’t spare his own Son’s life, but sent Him to a cross--a horrific and disturbing death--to become the sacrifice for a people that hated him.

The same powerful God who in the Exodus, parted the Red Sea so His people could walk  on to their promised land, is the same God who lets me wake up every morning.

The same God who took on the form of human flesh, was born in humility, walked on this earth, served, loved the “unlovable”, and gave up his very life to rescue His world from it’s self-inflicted brokenness. Jesus not only died for us, but He rose to life again, so that He could give life and light to those who walk in death and darkness.

He is The God who is alive. He is The God who answers.

We can trust Him. He is able to deliver us, as we follow Him with unwavering, uncompromising, love-filled abandon.

I'm dreaming of a....

White Christmas.

I woke up this morning with the songs from the movie “White Christmas” stuck in my head. I love that movie.

I actually thought of watching it today, but, alas, I left it at my parent’s house in Okie-land. Boo.

I know it’s only the beginning of October, but I could listen to Christmas music, or watch Christmas movies almost any time of year.

I am actually listening to my All-Skate Christmas album as I type this.

J It makes me happy.

While I am definitely looking forward to Christmastime, especially the fact that I get to go home for a few days and see all of my Okla-homies, I am also enjoying this season of Autumn.

I think Fall is my favorite season.

The heat of summer has finally started to subside and the leaves are starting to change color, and there’s an actual (not-just-for-the-style) reason to wear a scarf!

(Plus, it means Christmas is only a couple months away!)

Pumkin Spice Lattes, Pumkin Spice Candles, Pumpkin Patches, Pumpkin Carving!

Who knew a squash could be so popular?!

I’m so glad God gave us seasonal changes.

In weather, and in life.

Now, I’m not the world’s biggest fan of change.

But there are certain times when change is exactly what you need.

Change of scenery. Change of direction. Change of perspective.

All good kinds of change.

But, those are not always the easy kind. Change can be a real doozie, especially when you’re not expecting it.

What really matters is how you handle the change when it does come.  Do you freak out and complain, or take it as it comes, embracing the fact that sometimes you can’t do anything to control what’s going on around you. Or maybe you’re like me and sometimes do both, one right after the other J

Thankfully seasonal changes are expected, and welcome.

Welcome Fall! You’re just what I needed!