Waiting...

Sigh.

Waiting requires patience.

I have very little of this.

I sometimes wish there were an “easy button” for life.

The other night Joy and I were hanging out at Starbucks, and ended up having our handwriting analyzed by a fellow customer hanging out there.

It was SO amazing!

He pegged us both for exactly who we are, just by looking at our handwriting!

It was kind of creepy, actually!

He told me I have slight control issues J

Which, to be honest, I kind of already knew.  Joy tells me all the time that I need to loosen up, not over-think everything and be more spontaneous....

Not sure why I have a hard time doing that.

Is it fear? If it is, then what am I afraid of?

Rejection?

Safety?

Failure?

I don’t like things to go wrong, so I rationalize that "if I don’t take the risk, nothing can go wrong.”

This is a very boxed-in way to live.

Maybe I need to just let go.

I long for freedom from myself.

Sometimes I keep people (okay, let’s be honest-mostly just boys) at arms length because I’m afraid of getting too close, being hurt, or hurting someone else.

But, in reality, isn’t pain a part of life?

There’s really no way to escape it. If you try, you just end up isolating yourself from others, and missing out on some truly great learning experiences.

I’m learning that there has to be pain, for joy to exist. There has to be bad, for good to be recognized. Sometimes we have to fail in order to learn & grow.

I don’t like this concept.

(and, also according to my handwriting analysis, I am a very “black&white” person-don’t like any gray areas)

I’m learning how impatient I am. 

Patience is a fruit that should be produced in a believer’s life by the Holy Spirit of God.

I’ve heard people say “if you ask God for patience, be prepared for Him to give you difficult opportunities to wait.”

This is so true.

We, as humans, have this desire to fix things our way. When we don’t see God’s immediate action, we decide, “Oh, maybe I should go ahead and do this- maybe I can help God carry out His plan this way!”

Example:   Abram and Sarai in the Old Testament.

The Lord told Abram that he would give him offspring as great as the number of the stars. Abram had no children at this point.

His wife Sarai had the brilliant idea to give Abram her servant girl, thinking that maybe The Lord would fulfill His promise of a child through her servant, Hagar.

So, Abram listened to his wife, and took Hagar as his wife also.

She got preggo. Sarai got mad.

What did Sarai expect to happen? Maybe she didn’t expect Hagar to ever actually get pregnant. Or maybe she didn’t expect Hagar to flaunt the pregnancy the way she did.

Sarai blames Abram for the way Hagar starts treating her, and Abram’s like “Leave me out of this, she’s your servant!”

I guess that brilliant little plan of Sarai’s backfired.

A little later, God changes Abram’s name to Abraham, meaning “father of a multitude”, and Sarai’s name to Sarah (meaning “princess”).

Then the couple is visited by some angels who tell Abram that Sarah will get pregnant even though she’s way past the child-bearing season.

Sarah actually laughed when she heard the news.  God responds to her laughter, doubt, and lack of faith by saying, “Is anything too hard for The Lord?”

God eventually fulfilled His promise and gave Sarah her own child, named Isaac.

“Is anything too hard for The Lord?”

I know that the answer to that question is “no”. There is nothing too hard for The Lord.  

He can do ANYTHING.

So why do I stay in my little box of fear and impatience?

(By the way—impatience is a form of fear—and fear is not trusting God.)

When we are impatient and try to do things our way, things just blow up in our face.

How do we balance taking risks, while staying in our place to let God do His thing?

The beauty of all of this is

GRACE.

When I fail, He picks up the pieces.

God makes beauty out of our messes.

How He does this, I have no idea. I just know I’ve seen it, and experienced it myself.

I have seen Him take my failing and falling down, and somehow bring glory to Himself.

I can’t mess up His plan.

I can bring more trouble on myself than necessary with my own sin, but His purpose will be accomplished whether I like it or not.

Let me not rush, Lord.

You are perfect.

Always right on time.

You have good purposes for me.

I will walk with You.

I will trust You.

I will not get ahead of You.

You are my only light.

I love this town.

I was working the closing shift at work last night, and as was sweeping the café floor, I started talking with the one of our regular’s hanging out in the store.  His name is Hayward.  He asked me about music and what I wanted to do here in Nashville.  I told him a little about how I moved here to write and just pursue music a little more intently.  I asked him what he did here, and he said he used to be a session drummer back in the day. He came to Nashville from Memphis with a bunch of other guys who worked at a studio in Memphis as a rhythm section.  Then, out of his bag on the table, he pulled out a book called “Memphis Boys”, which is about him and the other guys he came to Nashville with, showed me pictures in the book, some of him behind the console at a recording studio, and some of his recording buddies with Aretha Franklin.

It was so cool to hear him talk about his move to Nashville, and how he worked on some pretty big name albums.  I love that I can be hanging out at work and get to chat with someone who played music for a living back before itunes and youtube. Back when Elvis and Johnny were alive.  Classic. 

I live in such a cool town. No wonder they call it “Music City”!

Also, it’s so amazing how small the world really is.  

Last night as I was leaving work, I ended up chatting with some people outside. One of them is a regular customer who is also a friend of a friend of mine here in Nashville.  He asked me where I was from, and when I told him Oklahoma City, he freaked out a little and said “No way! I went to school there back in the day!” I asked where he went to school, he said Mid-America University. I asked him if he knew one of my friends who used to work there, named Marty. Then he freaked out a little more. Apparently Marty was one of his best friends and toured with him in with his band back in the day. 

We also figured out that he was also at the Write About Jesus Workshop in St. Louis I went to last year. I knew he looked familiar, and I had a feeling that was why.

Crazy. 

New friends are fun!

It’s things like these that make me giddy with the realization that I belong here. I am right where I am supposed to be.  In a city full of “small town connections” and people willing to write music with you left and right just because it’s fun!(and of course writing a million-dollar hit song wouldn’t be such a bad thing!)

Here’s to Nashville. <3

My home away from home.

Sovereign

I went to Walmart today, to buy a watch battery and a few other random things. 

As I was leaving, I saw a woman with a sort of blank stare on her face, walking in carrying her child, who looked around 3 or 4 years old. I immediately felt God prompting me to ask this woman if she was okay. But, I just kept walking to my car and watched her walk through the doors into the store.

At this point, as I'm getting into my car, I had a little discussion with myself.

I thought, “Well, I’m already at my car. Maybe I'll just pray for her as I'm on my way out of here....

or God, maybe you could send someone else to talk to her?”

I started my car.

I couldn't shake it. I couldn't drive away.

I turned the car off.

I knew I had to go back in.

So I got out of my car and right back into Walmart.  I looked for about 3 minutes, walked all around the entire store looking for her, and finally found her in the cold medicine aisle.

I walked over, said hello, and told her I saw her walk into the store, and had to come find her because I felt like God wanted me to ask her if she was okay.  She said she actually wasn’t feeling well, and that her daughter didn’t feel well either, and that it had been a stressful week. I asked her name (it’s Kimberly) and asked if I could pray for her, and she said she would love it if I would.

So I did.

I prayed for her right there.

In the medicine aisle.

In the middle of Walmart.

She cried a little.

I cried a little, too.

It was a sweet moment.

When I finished praying, she told me her husband’s grandfather had just passed away so he had to go out of town, and she was stressed about it. She was thankful for the prayer and needed it.

She asked me where I was from and I told her I just moved from Oklahoma City.
She said she used to go to school at Hillsdale Bible College in Moore. I told her I have actually played a show there!

Then she said she and her husband have some friends that still live in Okc, who own a coffee catering business...called Café Evoke!!!(shout-out to my Okc peeps!)

How crazy is that?!

I go to Walmart for a few things today, and end up meeting someone who has friends near my hometown, and they are friends with some of my friends!

God knew she needed prayer today. He knew she needed to be encouraged.

And He picked me for the job.

Who would have guessed that she used to live in Moore, Oklahoma?

I definitely didn’t know what to expect when I walked over to talk to her, but God knew.

That was more than obvious.

It’s amazing how BIG He is. How vast the expanse of His knowledge and wisdom.

And, at the same time, He is so intimately involved in every aspect of our lives.

He wants us to know that He sees us, knows us, and cares enough to interrupt our day to show us He is in control and He is good.

Oh, how He loves us!

God not only showed me today how much He loves Kimberly and her family, but He reminded me how much He loves me, how sovereign He is, and how much FUN it is to know Him and serve Him in obedience!

I am so amazed by Jesus and His heart for us.

We are messy, broken people, tangled up in ourselves.

He is so good to come and save us from us.

Over, and over, and over again.

His Love NEVER FAILS!

so..three guys walk into a bar...

Okay, so it's more like three guys fall into a fiery furnace.
But, this is no joke :)

I was reading about Daniel, Mishael, Hananiah, and Azariah today. These are the guys we heard stories about in Sunday school(remember the paper-cut-outs-on-felt-board at story-time!?) and watched the vegetable adaptation in the VeggieTales video.

Nothing against Sunday school or VeggieTales(which, I admit, I have watched as an adult with other adults when there were little or no kids around), but I think these stories are way more interesting and powerful than the first glance would lead to believe! 

What stood out to me most was the bold commitment and obedience of these four young guys in the midst of a foreign land and people.

And how their God came through for them.

What do we know about our Hebrew homies, Daniel, Mishael, Hananiah, and Azariah?

You may also know them as Belteshazzar, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. 

The king of Babylon came and took siege of Jerusalem, and brought back to his kingdom a few select Hebrews. These four guys were included, and the dude in charge gave them new names (probably to fit in better with the Babylonian culture).

When they got to Babylon, they were taken to the palace, and they were given allotted portions of the same food and wine as the king ate and drank. This is where the “no compromise” theme begins. It was something so small and seemingly insignificant, yet powerful.

When they were asked why they would not eat the king’s food like everyone else, Daniel responded, “Why don’t we do a little experiment.  You have these guys over here eat from the king’s menu for ten days, and we will eat veggies and water. Then you can decide which is better for everyone, based on our appearance and overall heath.”

The king’s servant agreed, and after ten days, the Hebrew kids were looking better and were healthier than the other guys, so he changed everyone’s menu to what Daniel and his friends were eating.

God had given these four guys a good deal of wisdom and understanding. They were singled out and eventually brought in to stand before the king (kind of a big deal). There were no others found compared to them in all of the king’s magicians and enchanters in his entire kingdom.

After that there were a couple of dreams Daniel interpreted for the king (In short, the king makes a ridiculous demand of his wise-guys, none of them can do it, so he decides to destroy them, but God gives Daniel supernatural insight into the situation and saves some lives. Go read it. Book of Daniel, Chapter 2. It’s a cool story.)

Now, I want to turn our attention to Chapter 3.  The story of our three homies, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. Let’s call them S, M, & A from now on.

The king sets up this 90ft tall statue of gold, and has a big celebration to dedicate it.  He makes a decree that whenever all the people in Babylon hear all kinds of music playing, they must stop whatever they are doing and bow down to the image and worship it. If they do not fall down and worship the image, they are to be immediately thrown into a burning furnace of fire.

Dude.

Little harsh, right?

There were lots of different nationalities represented in Babylon at the time, but no matter who you were, or where you came from, you were to obey this command of the king.

Our Hebrew friends no doubt knew about the proclamation and command.  They were leaders over certain affairs of Babylon. But they knew better than to worship anyone or anything besides their God, The God of Israel.  So they didn’t bow down.

Word got around that these guys weren’t following orders, and the king became furious. Actually, the Bible says “he called for them in furious rage.” Little intense.

He asked them if it was true that they didn’t obey the command and that they didn’t serve or worship his gods. He also gave them another chance and told them if they would bow down to the statue, then it’s all good. If not, they will immediately be thrown into the fiery furnace and burned alive. Then he says “who is the god that will deliver you out of my hands?”

Pretty sure of himself, eh?

S, M, & A answered the king, “We have no need to answer you in this matter. If you throw us into the furnace, our God, whom we serve, IS ABLE to deliver us out of the furnace, and deliver us out of your hand. But if not, know this: we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image you’ve set up.”

Wow.

Here they are, standing on the edge of death (by burning alive!) and still do not compromise their worship.  They believe their God will deliver them, and they even go as far as to say that if He doesn’t save them, they’re not going to give in and worship the king’s gods, or bow to his precious gold statue!

That, my friends, is loving your God with abandon.  These guys must have known their God well, and known that it was better to die and face whatever came next, than to give in to pressure from their peers, supervisors, and the king of Babylon himself! They were confident in The One they followed and worshipped.

Here’s where things start to really heat up (pun intended). J

The king gets even angrier than before, and he orders the furnace made seven times hotter than normal. He has some of his best warriors tie our Hebrew homies up in all their clothing, and then throw them into the fire. The king’s orders were so urgent and the fire was so hot, that the big strong guys throwing them in DIED!

So these three Hebrew dudes fell, all tied up, into the burning furnace of death.

Now, apparently, this fire-death-pit was situated so that the king could see into it, and he is watching all of this happen. After they get thrown in, he jumps out of his chair, and asks his counselors, “Hey! Didn’t we just throw three guys tied up into the furnace?”

They respond, “Yep.”

Then the king says, “I see four guys! Unbound--and walking around in the middle of the fire! They’re not hurt! And the fourth one looks like a son of the gods!”

The king goes over to the door of the furnace, calls to S, M, & A, and tells them to come out of the furnace.

Our three Hebrew homies come walking right out of the fire, and all the governors, king’s counselors and other peeps, come to see the commotion, and find that not one of them were touched by the fire, their hair wasn’t singed, clothes weren’t burned---

You know that smell that lingers on you after you hang out around a bon-fire?

I love that smell.

These guys were walking around IN THE MIDDLE OF A FURNACE and didn’t even smell like fire or smoke!!!

The king is so impressed with the God of the Hebrews, and their commitment to their God, that he makes a new decree- that if anyone speaks against the God of these Hebrews, they will be torn limb from limb, and their house left in ruins, because there is no god that can save like their God.  Then the king promoted them.

Man.

I don’t know about you, but when I read that story, it’s obvious to me that obedience to God is the best thing in any situation. No matter what, without reservation, complete abandon to my God...that’s worth more than comfort, or any amount of approval from man.

These Hebrew homies didn’t compromise or cave beneath the weight of human threat or pursuasion. God showed up, showed off, and then they were promoted! How crazy is that?! Even a foreign, idol-worshipping king gave sincere praise in amazement to their God.

It’s easy to forget sometimes, that I worship and serve the same God as these Hebrew guys. These stories are not just old reading material or a good little bedtime story.  They are accurate, historical accounts of what The God of Israel has done for His beloved.

They are stories of real people who, at times, made mistakes, yet still knew who they belonged to, knew who their God was, and followed Him, even if it meant going to their death.

I want to remember- that’s my God. My God is The God who is able- The God who saves. The God who has power over fire, laws and forces of nature, gravity, kings and nations, and who follows through on His word, all to show just how great He is. 

The God who didn’t spare his own Son’s life, but sent Him to a cross--a horrific and disturbing death--to become the sacrifice for a people that hated him.

The same powerful God who in the Exodus, parted the Red Sea so His people could walk  on to their promised land, is the same God who lets me wake up every morning.

The same God who took on the form of human flesh, was born in humility, walked on this earth, served, loved the “unlovable”, and gave up his very life to rescue His world from it’s self-inflicted brokenness. Jesus not only died for us, but He rose to life again, so that He could give life and light to those who walk in death and darkness.

He is The God who is alive. He is The God who answers.

We can trust Him. He is able to deliver us, as we follow Him with unwavering, uncompromising, love-filled abandon.

I'm dreaming of a....

White Christmas.

I woke up this morning with the songs from the movie “White Christmas” stuck in my head. I love that movie.

I actually thought of watching it today, but, alas, I left it at my parent’s house in Okie-land. Boo.

I know it’s only the beginning of October, but I could listen to Christmas music, or watch Christmas movies almost any time of year.

I am actually listening to my All-Skate Christmas album as I type this.

J It makes me happy.

While I am definitely looking forward to Christmastime, especially the fact that I get to go home for a few days and see all of my Okla-homies, I am also enjoying this season of Autumn.

I think Fall is my favorite season.

The heat of summer has finally started to subside and the leaves are starting to change color, and there’s an actual (not-just-for-the-style) reason to wear a scarf!

(Plus, it means Christmas is only a couple months away!)

Pumkin Spice Lattes, Pumkin Spice Candles, Pumpkin Patches, Pumpkin Carving!

Who knew a squash could be so popular?!

I’m so glad God gave us seasonal changes.

In weather, and in life.

Now, I’m not the world’s biggest fan of change.

But there are certain times when change is exactly what you need.

Change of scenery. Change of direction. Change of perspective.

All good kinds of change.

But, those are not always the easy kind. Change can be a real doozie, especially when you’re not expecting it.

What really matters is how you handle the change when it does come.  Do you freak out and complain, or take it as it comes, embracing the fact that sometimes you can’t do anything to control what’s going on around you. Or maybe you’re like me and sometimes do both, one right after the other J

Thankfully seasonal changes are expected, and welcome.

Welcome Fall! You’re just what I needed!

poems

Here are a couple of poems I wrote a few years ago, tweaked it a little bit today, and thought I’d share....

The Sun

As I watch it fade away

leaving just a distant glow

on the horizon

and slowly

the light leaves all that I see

and things become dark

I think

about you

The brightest light

You

The Light of the world

when you came to illuminate

the hearts of the ones you love

Walking the road of humanity

with healing, hope, and humility

You came to live and die for those who

stand offended by all that you are

Like the night

when it falls

and spins it’s web of shadows

there is darkness

and nothing seems to be alive

Until the sunrise touches it

with color and warmth

in the brightness of daylight

Like you

after the darkness of Your death

came back

in a more glorious splendor

than before

Life resurrected

Life renewed

Life restored.

*******

Tucked away

In a tiny corner of my heart

A light begins to grow

Brighter and brighter

it outshines the darkness

that’s lived there for so long

A fire is starting

Sparks fly

and it

burns

rages

consumes all

leaving behind a trail of perfect newness

only possible through pain

and the ashes that remain

are all that’s left of my world

It all belongs to you

It always has

and always will

Chances

Joy, my roommate, and I recently went to see the new movie “You Again” staring Kristen Bell and Jamie Lee Curtis.  I absolutely loved it! (If you haven’t seen it already, go watch the trailer here.) I will probably buy it when it comes out on dvd.

I think it’s a movie anyone can relate to. 

If you’ve ever been bullied or been the bully, made a huge mistake that hurt someone you love, had a falling out with a friend and don’t even know exactly why--it’s all in there.

I think the movie also holds a special place in my heart because one girl, through grade school and briefly in Jr. High, bullied me.  She would tell me I was ugly and stupid, laugh and talk about me with her friends, and kick the back of my desk while I was trying to write.  She sat behind me in a class we had together later on in High School, and we got along fine. I think we both just kind of pretended it never happened.

There are lots of reasons psychologically why someone would use another person as the object of such...well...mean-ness.  They are insecure and they need to make others feel inferior to validate themselves, they feel powerless in their life circumstances so they exercise a “power” over others.

There are tons of books written over the subject of inter-personal communication and relationships.  How people treat each other is something we all deal with on a regular basis... unless, of course, you are the hermit who lives under the 12^th street Bridge.

Sometimes relationships make us want to be the hermit living under a bridge, never having to communicate or deal with other people and their issues, never having to say “I’m sorry”, let alone deal with our OWN issues. Sometimes, going it all alone sounds like a great idea.

But- it’s not how we were meant to live this life, or the next one in eternity.

We were made for community.

And community is all about taking risks... taking chances.

It’s about just jumping out there and letting others see you for who you really are. It’s about telling someone something they may not like to hear, but by telling them the truth, you may just save their life.  It’s about taking the chance and letting someone back in after they’ve hurt you. 

You will never know how beautiful life could be unless you take some chances.

So, let’s get out there and love people for who they are, right where they are...because we want them to do the same for us.

Choices...And Michael Bolton

So, I awoke this morning to a phone call. At 5:10am. My shift at work started at 5am.  Jumped out of bed...well, actually, I climbed down out of bed(I have a loft bed), threw on my clothes in the dark, and ran out the door. Thankfully I live only 2 minutes from where I work, so I wasn’t too late.

I love days like these!(sarcasm.)

It’s funny how just one thing going wrong so early in the morning can mess with your attitude the rest of the day. Granted, it’s only 10am right now.

But, I have a choice to make:

I can beat myself up for accidentally turning off my alarm this am, while in a crazy dream, and being late for work

OR...

I can remember that I am a human, who messes up sometimes, the world will keep spinning, that one bad morning doesn’t have to ruin my day, and be happy that I’m breathing, still have my job, and have a God who loves me in all my weakness.

Hmm..I think I’ll take door number 2.

On another note, (pun intended)- I just listened to the new Michael Bolton album “One World One Love”. Go ahead. I see you laughing.

I have to say, not too shabby, Mr. B.

The guy’s got such a great voice, and, apparently, a lasting presence.

And you can’t deny that, no matter how much guilt you feel over having any of his songs on your ipod.

Did you know he’s written songs for Kiss, Peabo Bryson, Barbara Streisand; and he’s co-written with BabyFace, Diane Warren and Bob Dylan!

“One World One Love” is definitely ALL pop, beginning to end. My brother told me it reminded him of Jordin Sparks’ “Battlefield” album.  Hehe...

But it’s the kind of music that just makes you feel good, gets stuck in your head, and drives you crazy(and, let’s admit it, in a mostly good way). Well, that’s what pop songs are supposed to do, right?

It also probably wasn’t a bad move to collab with Lady GaGa and Ne-Yo on this new album. Plus, he cut the mullet and is looking pretty good for his age.

Yep. I like Mike.

Mullet and all.

The End.

PS:  Now you are going to have "How Am I Supposed To Live Without You" stuck in your head for the rest of the day. You're welcome :)

comfy is as comfy does...?

9/14/10, 3:37pm

Have you ever seen the movie “Click”? The one were Adam Sandler’s character is given a remote control for his life that allows him to fast-forward, pause, mute, ect.

Now, I know the premise and object of the movie is to remind us that life is a gift, it’s precious, and that we should never take even the rough, or painful times for granted. And I completely agree with this.

However--yesterday, I wished, for one moment, that I had that remote.

I had my first Starbucks shift in a new store yesterday.

It’s not technically the store I’m going to call “home” here in Nashvegas, but it is one that I’m picking up several shifts at to get more hours(aka-$$$).  I had never been there before, or met any of the people working there. Well, except for a girl from Oklahoma City who I actually sang with once at the Oklahoma Opry. (Yeah. Is this a small world, or what?!)

But, that creepy coincidence aside, I felt like I was starting a totally new job for the first time, even though I’ve been with the company almost 4 years!

There, everything was different. The customers, the set-up of the store, the general overall feeling I got while working.  Everything felt backward and upside down.  Business was extremely slow, so I didn’t have much to do. I was insecure about every single move I made.  I didn’t know how to relate to the other people working. They already have relationships formed, inside jokes, silly quotes, of which I knew nothing. I had a headache. I felt lost. It was, for me, the definition of uncomfortable.

It didn’t help that all I had to eat that day was a bagel. Probably should think about eating more often.

Anyway, there are times in life that we all wish we could skip altogether, go back to, or just slow down so we can soak up every moment of it’s goodness.  I think it’s no surprise that a remote control for our lives doesn’t exist.  We can’t control time. We can only control what we do with the time we’re given. And...If we waste what little time we’ve got, how are we going to answer for it in the end?

“I was busy making a name for myself. See, there it is. Up there in lights!”

“I didn’t have time to invest in other people. I was busy climbing the corporate ladder.”

“Facebook needed me to make sure it was running smoothly. Status updates don’t write themselves, ya know!”

I am completely guilty of wasting time.  I am also guilty of not embracing the hard stuff as a gift. It is a gift to be cared for by my Creator so much that He allows pain and difficulty in my life because He wants me to

g r o w.

He wants me to be a better me. He wants me to be like HIM.

I forget sometimes that all the change and different, and the difficulty that comes with it, is just part of surrendering my will in exchange for His. And what better way to live, than to be bought out of slavery, and re-born into a new life, perfected to completion by the working of patience.

I will resolve to take the uncomfortable with the cozy, the bad with the good, remembering that this life is not about me being happy, but about God being glorious.

Beginnings...

9-12-10, 6:36pm

So here I am. Sitting in my bedroom in Nashville. My parents left today. It’s been quite a weekend, filled with lots of thing happening in a short amount of time.  Buying groceries to stock the fridge & cabinets, setting up the living, kitchen, bathroom and bedroom. Oh, and, not to mention moving away from home for the first time! (10 hours to be exact)

I have definitely cried some, and I’ve had this strange nervous feeling all day-but instead of butterfly’s in my stomach, they felt more like angry pterodactyls. I hope it goes away. I don’t like pterodactyls. (Side-note: I think more words should be spelled with a silent letter at the beginning of them.)

Today Joy (my roommate) and I were watching “The Wedding Planner” to take my mind off of reality for a bit, and as we are watching the scene where an “inebriated” J.Lo mention’s Jezebel being the only queen in the Bible to be eaten by dogs, I ask Joy if she had ever read that story. So I did a little search on my techno-savvy iphone Bible, and started reading 1 Kings Chapter 18. I read out loud through the story of Elijah and the prophets of Baal on Mount Caramel. The story is pretty intense, and interesting. Let me just jog your memory here:  Ahab is a king and he has decided that worshipping idols and false gods, instead of Israel’s God, is a good idea, so he has everyone in the kingdom do it. Elijah has instructions from The Lord, the REAL God, to go see Ahab about this idol worship he’s been promoting. He goes out and challenges all the prophets of Baal to a little contest- a “my God can beat up your god!” kind of thing. The God who answers by sending fire on the altar will be proved to be the real God.  The prophets of Baal (450 of them) all prepared a sacrifice to be made to their god, called to their god for close to about 5 hours, with no answer. Elijah starts making fun of them, saying “Oh, your god hasn’t answered you with fire from heaven or anything. Maybe he’s watching TV, or he’s in the bathroom....Or maybe he went on a trip. You know he could be sleeping-maybe you could wake him up!”  So they cried out loud and cut themselves to ribbons, getting  blood all over the place. This went on til about 2 or 3 in the afternoon with no response from their god.(duh.)

So Elijah gets his altar together, built with twelve stones to represent the twelve tribes of the sons of Jacob. He also built a trench around the altar, had the people dump several gallons of water on the wood, altar, and enough to fill up the trench.

Then Elijah prayed.

Then God showed ‘em who’s boss.

He sent fire and consumed the offering on the altar, the wood, the stones, the dust, AND even licked up all the water that was standing in the trench!

The people fell on their faces and said “The Lord, He is God! The Lord, He is God”.

After this they end up killing all the prophets of Baal.

The part that really gets me is right after this, though.  When Queen Jezebel finds out that Elijah killed all her precious little prophets, she swears to do to him what he did to them.

Elijah hears about her threat and runs away to the wilderness. He RAN AWAY! From a woman! (She must have been quite a powerful woman.) 

So, after all of that boldness and crazy prayer on Mt. Caramel, and God totally showing up to prove Himself powerful, Elijah runs away, afraid for his life. He actually came to the point of asking God to take his life from him, cause he felt he was “no better than his fathers”.

Reading this today made me feel better about myself. If Elijah was afraid, even after such an obvious display of God’s power, I guess I am okay feeling a little nervous about a new life here in Tennessee.

I am weak.  Sometimes I want to run away. Even though there’s no one physically threatening my life, there are still times when it seems life itself is chasing me down.

New, exciting adventures seem great, until you’re in the middle of them and you’re not sure how everything will turn out in the end.

I say, all the more reason to press on. Press forward to what lies ahead of us. It may be a mystery, but we have a God who is bigger than any other, who can prove Himself powerful in the scariest and darkest of circumstances, and in the boldness, honesty and fervent prayers of His little sheep.

I am in the middle of a new and exciting adventure called apartment living. Ten hours from my family, everything I’ve ever known, in a city full of people I don’t know. 

God has called me here for such a time as this. He has shown Himself powerful over the course of my entire life, and I know He will continue to do so as I follow Him on this journey to His Kingdom come.